You call it “searching.”
You call it “dating.”
You call it “availability.”
But in truth, it’s just this: a well-disguised escape from yourself.
You open an app and hope.
For matches. For closeness. For validation.
And you call it progress.
What you don’t see: you’re already trapped – in a thought system that makes you smaller than you really are.
It’s not the apps that manipulate you.
It’s your own thinking – every day, every swipe.
The Cognitive Illusion: You Think You’re Moving Toward Love.
In reality, every swipe takes you one step further away.
Why?
Because you’re acting from lack.
Because you believe you must be chosen to be complete.
Because you don’t see yourself as a source – but as a product.
This isn’t dating behavior.
It’s self-sabotage with a glossy interface.
Thinking Error 1: “I’m Looking for the Right One.”
Stop.
You’re not searching. You’re fleeing.
Fleeing from emptiness, from uncertainty, from the fear that nothing meaningful awaits inside you.
And so you confuse movement with evolution.
You confuse contact with connection.
You confuse options with intimacy.
Every new chat feels like hope.
But it’s just numbing – brief, superficial, hollow.
The hard truth?
You’ll find nothing real as long as you keep running from yourself.
Thinking Error 2: “I Want to Be Seen.”
What you really want: to be chosen.
Validated. Confirmed.
You design your profile to appeal.
Not to show who you are – but to perform who you think you should be.
And that’s where the betrayal starts:
When you show up to please, you’ll never know if you’re truly seen.
Only if you’re useful.
You become a product.
Your worth becomes a reaction.
Your identity becomes a projection.
Your self-worth becomes a scoreboard.
This isn’t love.
It’s self-erasure with perfect lighting.
Thinking Error 3: “I Want the Perfect Match.”
You think compatibility is the answer.
In truth, it’s the trap.
Because what you really seek isn’t connection – but frictionlessness.
No challenge. No depth. No transformation.
Just confirmation of what you already believe.
But real relationship begins not with alignment – but with decision.
Not: “We fit perfectly.”
But: “I choose to grow with you.”
Perfection sedates.
Growth liberates.
The Cognitive Shift: Love Is Not Found. It’s Built.
As long as you believe love is something you “find,” you’ll stay passive.
Waiting. Hoping. Optimizing. Spinning.
But love is no lottery.
Love is a radical, repeated decision:
- To stay present – even without response.
- To show yourself – without performing.
- To think clearly – instead of pleasing blindly.
If you can’t hold yourself, you’ll never hold someone else.
The Real Starting Point: Stop Searching.
What if you stopped looking?
Not out of defeat – but out of clarity.
You’d meet people not as options – but as real.
You’d speak not to impress – but to discover.
You’d show up not to prove – but to be.
This isn’t giving up.
This is liberation from the addiction to external proof.
Your Biggest Mental Enemy: Deficit Thinking.
As long as you believe something is missing in you, you’ll stay on the hunt.
Not for love – but for validation.
And that craving will sabotage you every time.
Because love doesn’t grow from scarcity.
It grows from inner abundance.
Only when you’re mentally whole can you truly connect.
Otherwise, you consume people – and call it intimacy.
The Invitation: Become the Source.
Stop losing yourself in digital windows.
Ask the only question that matters:
“How clearly do I think about myself – before I show myself to anyone?”
When you can answer that honestly,
you’re finally ready for real relationship.
Not because someone found you.
But because you stopped losing yourself.
If you want to dive deeper into this space – not with advice, but with radical perspective shifts – there’s a rethink! Edition e-book that takes you further. No tricks. No self-improvement fluff. Just sharp, bold thinking about love – and about you: Swipe, Match, Still Lost – Why Online Dating Reveals More About Your Mind Than It Opens Your Heart by Klaus-Dieter Thill, available in all e-book-stores.
R2049 