Dealing with excessive self-demand: A guide for managers

What it’s all about

Many managers have excessive expectations of themselves. This leads to stress, burnout and permanent dissatisfaction. The path from an unrealistically high level of expectations to a normality of demands on oneself is not easy, but it is necessary for long-term success and personal well-being. This article will explore how leaders can recognise their excessive expectations of themselves and reduce them to a healthy level.

The manager’s dilemma: Always more, always better

Managers often put themselves under immense pressure to always deliver the best results, to exceed the expectations of employees and superiors and to make the right decision in every situation. However, this basic attitude is definitely counterproductive. Studies show that excessive expectations can lead to reduced performance and an increased susceptibility to stress and burnout.

Self-reflection as the first step

The first step towards normalising the demands placed on yourself is self-reflection. Managers need to become aware of their excessive expectations. This can be done through simple self-reflection by examining the following characteristics in their realisation:

Perfectionism: Do I have the urge that all tasks must be completed flawlessly and perfectly, with no room for error or adjustment?
Excessive working hours: Do I regularly work beyond normal working hours, including evenings, weekends and during holidays?
Inability to delegate tasks: Do I have difficulty delegating tasks to co-workers because I believe no one else can do the job as well as I can?
Constant dissatisfaction: Do I feel constantly dissatisfied, even when goals are achieved, because my own expectations are always higher than the results?
Self-criticism**: Do I have an overly critical attitude towards my own performance, accompanied by self-doubt and a feeling of not doing enough?
Neglecting my own health: Am I showing signs of exhaustion, lack of sleep, stress symptoms or other health problems due to the heavy workload and constant pressure?
Lack of work-life balance**: Do I have difficulty balancing work and personal life, which often leads to conflict in personal relationships?
Fear of making mistakes: Do I have an excessive fear of making mistakes, which can lead to an inability to make decisions and avoidance behaviour?
Compulsion to control: Do I have a strong need to control every little thing, even when it is not necessary or possible?
Elevated stress levels: Do I frequently show signs of stress, such as nervousness, tension, irritability or physical symptoms of stress?
Lack of enjoyment of success: Am I unable to enjoy or celebrate successes because my attention is immediately focused on the next goal?
Isolation: Am I spending so much time working that socialising and relationships with friends and family are suffering?
Setting unrealistic goals: Do I set goals for myself that are barely achievable, if at all, and then feel guilty about not achieving them?
High expectations of others: Do I also expect unrealistically high performance from others in the team or company and feel frustrated when these are not met?
Self-sacrifice**: Do I consistently neglect my own needs and desires in favour of work, which can lead to burnout or other mental health issues?

These questions help you to reflect on yourself and recognise possible excessive demands on yourself. However, it is important to be honest with yourself when answering them.

Realistic goal setting

Once excessive expectations have been identified, the next step is to set realistic goals. One approach to formulating them is the SMART formula: specific, measurable, achievable, relevant and time-bound. This form helps to concretise expectations and ensure that they are actually achievable. For example, a goal could be to complete a certain number of projects within a month instead of committing to completing all tasks perfectly and immediately.

Prioritisation and delegation

Managers with excessive demands on themselves must also learn to prioritise and delegate tasks. Not every task is equally important and not every task needs to be completed by the manager themselves. By identifying the most important tasks and delegating less important activities, the workload can be reduced and energy can be focussed on the really important tasks.

Mindfulness and self-care

Mindfulness and self-care are crucial to managing excessive expectations. This includes taking regular breaks to relax and re-energise. Techniques such as meditation, yoga or simply taking a walk in nature help to calm the mind and maintain perspective. Self-care also means maintaining a healthy work-life balance and making sure you have enough time for family, friends and hobbies.

Feedback and support

It is also helpful for managers to seek feedback from their colleagues and superiors. They often have a distorted perception of their own performance and only see their weaknesses and mistakes. Constructive feedback can help them to develop a realistic picture of their own abilities and successes. Another option is support through mentoring, coaching or exchanges with other managers. Sharing experiences and developing solutions together helps to relativise your own expectations.

Mistakes as learning opportunities

Another important step is accepting mistakes as part of the learning process. Nobody is perfect and mistakes offer valuable learning opportunities. A culture of openly dealing with mistakes is a way of reducing pressure and developing a healthier attitude towards one’s own expectations. As a general rule, it is always better to analyse mistakes and learn from them instead of judging yourself for them.

Developing a positive self-image

A positive self-image is crucial in order to reduce excessive expectations of oneself. Managers should therefore be aware of their strengths and successes and remind themselves of them regularly. One tool for this is a success diary in which they record their positive experiences. A positive self-image helps to strengthen self-confidence and make one’s own expectations more realistic.

Conclusion

The path from excessive expectations to normalising the demands placed on oneself is a process that requires time and patience. Managers need to become aware of their excessive expectations, set realistic goals, prioritise and delegate tasks, practice mindfulness and self-care, seek feedback and support, see mistakes as learning opportunities and develop a positive self-image. Only in this way can they be successful and satisfied in the long term.