Consultants and coaches are like truffle pigs. Except that they don’t find truffles, but rather the last remnants of everyday life, which they then inflate into a “leadership challenge.” If there’s even the most banal moment lurking somewhere that can be squeezed into a PowerPoint presentation and labeled “mindful leadership” – bang, there they are.
The LinkedIn discussion about white sneakers for executives has shown that madness knows no bounds. And the scene is like, “Wait a minute—if we can discuss whether shoe color determines the future of leadership, then we can monetize EVERYTHING.”
So let’s go.
Leadership in the bakery
Why write books about strategy or communication anymore? It’s much more exciting to ask: How do you act when you go to the bakery to buy a pretzel roll?
- Do you confidently order a “whole grain bread,” or do you subtly reveal your weakness for French serenity by saying “two croissants, please”?
- What if an employee is standing behind you in line and sees you take a nut pastry? Does your credibility collapse?
A new coaching format fits in well here: “Leadership skills in the moment of choice.”
Leadership during the bathroom break
And please never underestimate the toilet break as a leadership arena. Coaches will soon show you:
- Which sink you should use when three are available.
- How long washing your hands signals dominance or insecurity.
- Whether you should use the Dyson hand dryer or the paper towel, because sustainability is once again a “leadership skill.”
Parking lot perfection for executives
Of course, the absolute highlight: the parking seminar.
Day 1: Parking with leadership charisma
“Should I boldly shoot into the gap to demonstrate power? Or should I meditatively maneuver into place to embody mindfulness?” These questions are much more relevant than budgets, personnel planning, or market strategy.
Day 2: Getting out – the choreography of the first steps
Left foot first? Or right foot? Coaches explain why your career depends on this decision.
And very importantly: should you put your jacket on in the car or casually throw it on in front of your colleagues? This determines your “authenticity.”
Day 3: The walk to the office – 50 meters of nonverbal world domination
How do you swing your briefcase? With power? With ease? And how exactly do you nod to your colleagues?
At the end, you’ll receive a certificate: “Master of Parking Lot Leadership.” A must for any resume.
Only for clean cars, of course. Because if you don’t wash your car, you don’t wash your leadership. Logical.
Coming soon: bicycle leadership presence
And for the “green leaders” among us: bike-to-office coaching.
- Which helmet exudes confidence?
- How do you get off your bike in a way that makes your subordinates feel both respect and trust?
- And which lock symbolizes more “leadership power”: a U-lock or a chain lock?
Because true leadership is not demonstrated in decisions, strategies, or attitude—but in the parking lot, at the bike rack, when buying croissants, and on the way to the restroom.
👉 Welcome to the age of coaching absurdity cabaret, where every triviality is hyped up into a management revelation.
And the best part is that there will always be people willing to pay a four-figure daily fee for it.
R2049 