Rethinking Self-Love: The Underestimated Leader Behind the Leader

„The way you treat yourself shapes the way you lead others.“

The Rethinking Impulse as a RethinkAudio – Listen. Reflect. Analyze. Advance.

The Misconceptions: Self-Love as Egoism, Weakness, and a Luxury Problem

Self-love remains a concept that is met with skepticism – if not outright rejection – within leadership circles. Decades of entrenched misconceptions have led many executives to equate it with egocentricity, self-indulgence, or even narcissism. The mere notion that a seasoned leader might align themselves with such an idea appears, at first glance, paradoxical.

The first major fallacy lies in the conflation of self-love with selfishness. In a corporate world that prizes toughness, assertiveness, and unyielding rationality, the idea of treating oneself with appreciation and respect seems contradictory. “A leader must think of others, not themselves” – this dogma, passed down unquestioned, has driven many managers into a cycle of self-neglect. The consequences? A gradual erosion of decision-making clarity, emotional stability, and relational leadership competence.

The second misguided assumption is the belief that self-love signifies weakness. In a performance-driven world obsessed with optimisation, efficiency, and success, self-care is often mistaken for fragility. A leader who grants themselves leniency is quickly perceived as lacking resilience. Yet, this mindset undermines the psychological robustness of those expected to make high-stakes decisions under relentless pressure.

Finally, there is the notion that self-love is a mere luxury – a concept irrelevant to those responsible for results, strategies, and execution. The underlying logic? “If I excel at my job and deliver results, it does not matter whether I am at peace with myself.” However, this reasoning overlooks a critical blind spot: a leader who cannot engage with themselves in a spirit of appreciation, self-compassion, and clarity will inevitably introduce distortions into their leadership – whether in communication, decision-making, or team interactions.

Self-Love: A Rigorous Definition for Leadership

Self-love is not a collection of superficial affirmations or an excuse for setting boundaries at will. It is a profound internal stance – one of acceptance, appreciation, and self-care. It is the conscious decision to acknowledge oneself as a whole, evolving, and – by nature – imperfect human being.

For a leader, self-love does not mean shielding oneself from criticism or indulging in unexamined self-praise. Quite the contrary: it demands critical self-reflection, humility, and the courage to face oneself honestly. It is the foundation of emotionally intelligent leadership – one that not only fortifies personal resilience but also enhances the quality of decision-making and interpersonal leadership.

A Philosophical Perspective: Self-Love as the Basis of Wise Leadership

From a philosophical standpoint, self-love is deeply intertwined with authenticity and moral integrity. Aristotle argued that a virtuous person – and, by extension, a wise leader—acts not out of obligation or societal expectation but from an internal coherence with their values. Without self-love, such coherence remains elusive.

Jean-Jacques Rousseau further asserted that only those who respect themselves can truly respect others. Translated into leadership: a leader who lacks self-respect will unconsciously devalue others – whether through microaggressions, excessive criticism, or neglecting the individual needs of their team members.

A Psychological and Depth-Psychological Analysis: The Self-Sabotage of Leaders

From a psychological perspective, self-love is the cornerstone of emotional balance. Leaders under chronic pressure frequently experience cognitive distortions – perceiving themselves as either exceptionally competent or fundamentally inadequate. This black-and-white thinking fosters burnout and self-destructive leadership patterns.

A depth-psychological lens reveals that many of these distortions stem from early childhood conditioning. Those who only received validation through achievement often internalise the belief that their worth is defined solely by success. Such a leader unconsciously seeks self-validation through relentless work and perfectionism – risking a downward spiral of self-criticism and exhaustion.

Workplace and Organisational Psychology: The Impact on Leadership and Corporate Culture

From an organisational psychology perspective, a leader devoid of self-love poses a risk to their organisation. A manager struggling with inner dissatisfaction tends to make impulsive decisions, delegate poorly, and communicate inconsistently. Furthermore, a lack of self-love fosters unhealthy power dynamics – those who do not value themselves often compensate through dominance or excessive control.

In workplace psychology, the absence of self-love contributes to toxic work cultures. Employees instinctively mirror the emotional climate set by their leader. A manager harshly critical of themselves creates an environment where mistakes are feared rather than seen as opportunities for learning.

Why Leaders Must Rethink Self-Love

Self-love is no longer a “soft” concept – it is a leadership imperative. In an era marked by transformation, uncertainty, and rising complexity, organisations need leaders who remain unshaken by self-doubt and internal stress.

A leader who meets themselves with empathy is not only more capable of self-regulation but also leads with greater foresight. They can navigate difficult conversations with composure, moderate conflicts with poise, and embrace change with inner stability.

Rethinking Self-Love with the R2A Model: A Practical Leadership Integration

Reflect: The first stage of Rethinking begins with deep self-reflection. Where do I fail to show myself appreciation? In which situations am I overly self-critical?
Analyze: A critical analysis of internal narratives exposes destructive self-perceptions. Which beliefs drive my behaviour? Which ones are outdated?
Advance: Implementation starts with small but transformative actions – practicing self-recognition, establishing healthy boundaries, and cultivating emotional resilience.

Key Learning

Self-love is not an option – it is a leadership necessity. It determines whether an executive can think clearly under pressure, navigate crises effectively, and lead with long-term impact. Those who approach themselves with respect and clarity naturally extend the same to others – leading with vision, stability, and wisdom.